Before I start to get into writing this I want to make it clear that I am not much of a religious person. I do however have morels that I try to live my life by. Those morels as much as I like and at the same time dislike it they are tied to religious beliefs. I am adding religion to this. Remember the title of my blog site is Things to ponder….. This topic is one I ponder, mainly due to having and adult daughter and having a mother/father in-law but also my parents as well.
I often wonder do parents have the right to butt into their children’s lives? Do they have the right to throw a fit when their child(ren) do something they do not agree with? At what point/age is your child an adult? Is it when they are married? When they turn 18? When the child reaches that “adult” status do they have the right to tell their parents to butt out? What do grown children owe their parents? Do adult children owe their parents for what they’ve done while growing up? What does honor thy father and honor thy mother really mean? So many questions, so many view points so much so I do NOT think I will ever know the correct answer and I do NOT know if my husband and I would ever agree on it. I think that is wonderful, if we all agreed on everything than I feel that we would have a boring world and no individualism!
In a pagan Roman family, the children were to obey their father until he died, in a Christian home children are to obey their parents until the parents die or the children marry. When Christians marry, they establish a new unit wherein the husband is the head. So “children” here can mean infants to adults who are not married.
Reality of it is all over the world people have a different view of when you “come of age.” And the fact of the matter is that it really doesn’t matter what you believe, at some point in life you come of age/ become an adult. The question is, after you become an adult do you have a right to tell you parents they are wrong, demand an apology, not take care of them when they are not longer able to care for themselves, stand up for what you believe in even if they do not agree?
In the Old Testament rebellion against your parents was a capital offense. Exodus 21:15 says “And he that smites his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death.” And verse 17 says, “And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.” The God of the Old and New Testament is the same God so a physical or verbal attack on your parents is punishable by death! I wonder if that would hold up in court if a parent killed their child for being disobedient? Yeah, right! I think 99% of folks that call themselves Christens and believes in the King James Version or a similar version of the Bible has been disobedient to their parents. So how literal do we take the Bible? Many more verses say to honor your mother and father but I am unclear and cannot find anything that says if that is forever or until you reach adulthood! But I guess that would be me taking the Bible literally and I know that can’t be done or I guess I would have never made it to adulthood! J
I would have to say that to me a person becomes an adult when they live in their own place at which point I believe that is when they say “I am ready to take on adult responsibility, make my own decisions and pay my own expenses.” That is when I backed off and let my oldest child live her own life. No, I do NOT always agree with the decisions she makes, and of course as a parent you never stop worrying about your child. But I feel you must butt out and let them learn their own way.
After reaching adulthood, shouldn’t respect go both ways? Sure I believe you should honor your mother and father to a point but I do NOT believe after you are deemed an adult that they have the right to disrespect you and your decisions. I don’t believe you have to obey everything they say. Sure I realize everyone’s emotions get in the way at points and things are said that shouldn’t be said and sometimes you may not mean what you say. At which point I think that to show respect an “I am sorry” should take place. I am one that give my parents respect when they deserves it but if they step out of line, I make it clear that they have and I expect them to apologize to me or to the one that has been disrespected. I would expect my husband to be the same way but that is NOT the case. He will not stand up to his parents and would NOT make them apologize for disrespecting me. That boils my blood, but I try to respect that he doesn’t have the kind of relationship that I believe should be in place. Does it make me right and him wrong, or him right and me wrong. It doesn’t matter~ The fact is we do not agree but we love each other have agreed to disagree. Which for the most part works, but I don’t not think he understands how much an apology would fix. I am bitter and I will NOT get over the hurtful things that have been said about me until I am shown respect and get an apology. Until then I tolerate them for they are my husbands parents and the grandparents of my children but I will NOT forgive them and become unbitter without it!
Which brings me to another question. If you have a spouse it only makes sense that they are different from you and your beliefs are similar but by all means not the same. If your spouse demands an apology but you feel that what was said is in the past to just pretend it didn’t happen, does your spouse have the right to confront and demand an apology anyway? Or is your spouse suppose to bow to what you say and go with the flow? Does it make it wrong for your spouse to be angry and hurt when you have moved on? I don’t know and I never will know what is really right. Thankfully we live in a society that says we have the right to have different ideas! I indeed love and respect my husband and try to be as respectful as possible to his ideas. I admit it is so hard not to just speak my mind and get things off my chest completely but as a spouse to a man that is my best friend, lover, soul mate and father of my children (we have became our own family) I do my best, but I am not perfect!
If you believe in God, God created family. Following his purposes for marriage and family life may give us the best opportunities to have family fulfillment. Genesis 2:18 “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Matthew 19:4-6 “And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made [them] at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder“. I guess I found something that states that you shall leave mother and father and be one with your spouse. I like reading that, I find myself saying a lot this person or that person needs to get off the nipple so to speak. I personally feel that at the time that you are married your parents are your parents but they need to stay butted out, for you and your spouse are “the flesh of one” Therefore, shut your mouth and do not disrespect your child’s spouse and if you do then you have disrespected both of them and how do you expect to get respect back if you don’t show it? Sure, it is not always easy. Life isn’t easy so bite your tongue, forget about nagging, curb the urge of being judgmental, accept what you can’t change and avoid alienating your child’s spouse! And that goes to adult children too… heck… if you just could curb the urge to be judgmental many people would live much happier lives!
I have reading and studying a lot of cases of children being abused and neglected by their parents, I think they have every right to give those parents no respect and I don’t think any off us will be going to hell for putting our parents in their place as adults and I think we have every right to do so!
In the end there is NOT a correct answer, we can only go by our own individualism and support your spouse as an individual as well. I will end this by a few rules I try to abide by to my adult child and I wish every parent to adult children would abide by some sort of rules as well!
1. Your son or daughter has a new allegiance that you are NOT a part of. You will lose every time so butt out!
2. Respect their financial decisions unless the money comes from you! You may secretly question their choices but do NOT talk about it to them!
3. Include your in-law and children in “your” world.
4. Do not give unsolicited suggestions, You may ask, “Have you thought about doing it this way but don’t get offended if they ignore your suggestion!
5. Just plan and simple enjoy your role, enjoy the time you have with your child(ren), their spouse and grand children!
As far as do you have to honor your parents after you become an adult, well probably not! I think if you expect respect show respect!
Fourteen years, one month, sixteen days and three hours ago the worst two years of my life started. It was a beautiful night, April 9th, 1990. It was my 16th birthday, my friends and I went out to Lake Eufaula to celebrate. We cooked on a camp fire, swam in the lake and drank Southern Comfort for several hours. We all got very drunk and shouldn’t have been driving. A lot of my friends had plans to camp out all night at the lake however, my parents said I could not and needed to be home by 10pm. Time had escaped me and at 9:45 I realized what time it was. I jumped in the car and took off in a panic! For I knew it would take me at least 45 minutes to get home. Very drunk behind the wheel and only having my drivers license for half a day, I drove very slow and concentrated heavily on staying on the road, I began to realize the steering was becoming harder to handle and I was hearing a clunking noise, freaked out, I decided to pull to the side of the dark dirt road to see what the problem was. As I was trying to examine the tires in the pitch dark, I heard another car coming closer. I thought to myself, thank you mother earth, one of my friends decided to go home! As the car approached I realized it wasn’t a friend at all, but the car stopped, this old man that looked to be in his mid 60’s stopped, noticed I had a flat tire and offered to give me a ride home. I was drunk, tired and had no clue what else to do so I locked up the car and willingly got into his car with him. I felt relieved to get a ride home and also have an excuse for being late. Now I won’t be grounded! I remember telling him thank you and gave him my name. I guess the Southern Comfort got the best of me because the next thing I remember is waking up lying on a wet, cold concrete floor, nude with a chain and lock on my left leg. So many thoughts began to run through my head, I thought I must be having a bad dream so I laid my head back down closed my eyes. The thoughts wouldn’t go away, I kept thinking I really feel like I am awake this isn’t a dream is it? I thought go ahead pinch yourself, if your dreaming that will wake you up! I took my left hand reached over to my right breast thinking I should pinch something that is sensitive, I took my nipple between my index finger and thumb fingers and as forceful as I possible pinched, I let out a scream feeling the pain shoot through my breast. It was at that point I realized I wasn’t dreaming. I raised up looking around, chills went up and down my spine. The room had nothing but concrete. The walls the floor and even the door was concrete. I’ve never been a religious person but I convinced myself I must have killed myself driving drunk and that I was in hell. A little night light plugged in was the only light I had. In one corner was a little foam bed on the floor, in the other corner was a portable potty and that was it. The chain on my leg was long enough that I could move freely in the room. I walked around in a haze wondering what the fuck had happened to me. I must have walked around that room for several hours, as I walked and talked to myself, what happened? What did I do? I began to call myself stupid, I slapped myself in the face a few times because the memory of me getting in a car with an old fuck came to my mind. I finally came out of my confused state of mind to a pissed off state of mind. I ran to the concrete door cussing up a storm I pushed, kicked and punched the concrete door until my hands, knees, and feet were bleeding and raw. After giving up I curled up in a ball in a corner of the room then finally that old fuck opened the concrete door, He walked in nude and his dick was standing at attention. As he came closer to me I began punching and kicking him, he fought me until finally he had my arms and legs chained down. He climbed on top of me, pushed my legs apart and began sucking my breast. I laid there helplessly crying. He moved from my breast, climbed between my legs, the sick bastard stuck his nose between my pussy lips and started fucking my pussy with it. I began to cry more and screaming to him to please kill me but don’t rape me, I was a virgin and wanted to save it for my first love. He must have banged me with is nose for only a couple of minutes however it felt like hours. He then moved up and laid beside me, whispering in my ear how my pussy smells so good and how he is going to ram his hard throbbing cock into it. He laid there beside me whispering sick things to me as he masturbated. Eventually he climbed on top of me, he looked into my eyes then I began spitting in his face. It pissed him off so he took some cloth thing and wrapped it around my face only leaving my eyes uncovered. He then unchained one of my legs spread it further apart from my other leg and chained it once again. He then spread my pussy lips apart shoved two fingers into me and began finger fucking me. He kept saying over and over, “oh man, baby, you have a tight pussy, damn that is going to make my dick feel so good”. He then noticed he had popped my cherry with his fingers so he licked the blood off them! He licked my pussy then jumped on top of me and rammed his dick inside me, ram, ram, ram, he finally had his complete cock in me. Over and over he rammed me harder and harder, I just laid there and cried, after what seemed like a life time I felt his warm juice shooting up inside me. . He left me chained, leaving the room and locking the door behind him. I must have been chained with my legs spread apart and my arms above my head for 12 or more hours. He finally came back, unchained everything but the chain on my left leg. Where he forced me to use the portable potty and he feed me a PB and J sandwich. He also showed me a police badge and said he arrested me for being a bad girl, drinking and driving. He said my family thinks I was kidnapped and he made me write them a letter. I was to tell them I ran off to put myself in a drug rehab and that I was fine and would be home when I was fully recovered. After I wrote the letter he again left me for several hours. When he came back he was there to rape me again! I fought with him again and of course he won. After several weeks of the same thing happening of him raping me and me fighting I realized that me fighting him wasn’t working and I’d better come up with a better plan.
The very next day when he came into the dungeon to feed me my daily feeding of PB and J and a glass of water I started a very friendly conversation with him. I asked him what I should call him and he said “papa”. I walked over to him wrapped my arms around him and whispered in his ear, “Papa, the first night you made love to me I begged you not to because I was saving my virginity for my first love, now I realize that my virginity was taken from my first love”. I kissed him, which we had never done before, if felt very strange but I got the hang of it pretty fast. I finally pulled away from him, my mind racing with so many hateful thoughts, I managed to continue to pretend that I’d fallen in love with him. I looked into his eyes and said with tears, “oh Papa, I love you so very much, I enjoy every moment we spend together!” I again kissed him deeply and passionately. I moaned as we kissed and told him over and over again that I loved him. He seemed to be in a state of shock, and walked out the door locking it behind him like always.
That night when he came in to do his nightly rape, I said, “Papa, teach me more on how to please you, I love you Papa, please show me how I can give you more pleasure?” That night he ignored me, as he reamed me hard and fierce like he’d done every night but this night the only difference I seen was that he left only my left leg chained. For several weeks the same thing would happen, I’d kiss him, tell him I loved him and willingly laid down for him to rape me. At feeding time he also was spending more time with me each day. I was feeling frustrated that I wasn’t getting further with him on gaining my trust, but finally one night when he came in to rape me, he spent more time fucking me not so roughly, he also for the first time during his rape session kissed me and told me he loved. I clinched deep inside every time he touched me, I hated him and wanted to cut his penis off and make him eat it. I’ve never felt so much hate and anger in my whole life, and I was amazed at myself on how well I was able to hold it in and not show that sick bastard how I really felt about him. That very night when he kissed me and said to me he loved me, I cried. He asked why and I told him how I’ve been waiting so long for this moment. But the truth of the matter was for the first time I felt as though I was getting more control of the satiation As months went by he started telling me how to “make love” to him so he could enjoy it more. I finally had him where, he’d unchain me so I could be in different positions and I was performing oral sex on that sick bastard. I hated being his sex slave but I knew this was my only way to get out of this hell. One night, as he was doing one of his favorite things, fucking me with his nose, I said to him “Papa, I’ve not got to take a shower for ages, I’d smell and taste so much better if you’d allow me to take a shower. He ignored my request once again.
Everyday, at feeding time we’d kiss and exchange words of “love”. Every night it got a little easier dealing with the rape sessions. He’d eventually everyday at feeding time tell me what position he’d be fucking me in that night. He also started bringing in sex toys. One night he’d even brought in a male plastic blowup doll, he made me climb on top of it and fuck it as he was performing anal sex on me. After months of this he apparently had gained my trust up enough to allow me to shower. He’d chain me to his leg so I couldn’t take off and every other day I’d be blind folded, lead into the bathroom where he’d watch me shower. I loved being able to take a shower but mostly I enjoyed getting out of that dungeon. One shower day I begged to be able to take a bath instead of a shower, oh he allowed me to do that but only with him joining me. Fine, I let him, I just wanted to stay out of that dungeon as much as possible. As months passed by I was allowed to come out of the dungeon, always chained to his leg of course, we’d eat together or watch TV together. As more time passed he began letting me out of the dungeon longer and longer until finally, we slept, showered, ate and everything else together. He only locked me in that dungeon when he had to go to town. That man was a complete sex maniac, he raped me every night. Never did he miss a night.
One day he’d locked me in the dungeon, but when he came home he brought me a few pairs of clothing! Wow, what a concept! I’d never dreamed in my whole life that I’d get so excited over a pair of used clothes. As he continued to gain my trust and really believe that I was in love with him, he started unchaining me. I could finally move around freely.
One morning he told me he need to go to town and cash in some soda pop cans and get some dog food. I looked into his eyes and said, “Oh Papa, I’d love so much to go with you, I just can’t stand one minute without having you by my side.” “Papa, I love you so very much. Please, Please, Please let me go with you!” To my amazement he let me! While he returned cans, I stayed up by the front desk. When he wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing I asked the lady at the front desk in a whisper to use the phone, I called my aunt Kelly up, for I knew she had caller ID when I had disappeared and hoped she still did. I told her I had been kidnapped and that he was a rapist, then I hung up in fright that I’d be caught by “Papa”. A few seconds later Papa was back at the front desk and said, “Okay kido”, lets go to Bill’s Feed Store so we can get that dog some food”. We left the recycle center and arrived at the feed store. The next thing I know the police surrounded us. Papa was arrested! That faithful day I was finally freed from the hell!
Come to find out I had been missing for a little over 2 years. That old bastard had raped me every night for two years, one month and three days. That is 763 days! His real name is Richard Cook, he was 67 years old when he began raping me! He’d been taking Viagra every night! He also is a millionaire, he had assets worth 27 million dollars. At his judgment he was given 20 years to life in prison, and I was given his 27 million dollars. I am a very wealthy lady but nothing can buy my virginity back and no amount of counseling has helped me trust men.
14 years later and I have still have never had a relationship, I don’t believe I will ever be able to have sex. The thought of sex makes me sick to my stomach and the many nights of hell floods back to me. However, today I feel like the luckiest riches lady alive. I was notified today that Richard Cook passed away in prison a few hours ago.
